As he does this, my dads partner orders the driver to exit the vehicle and place his hands on the hood of the car. He laughed and said he'd been with the highway patrol for so long that "He's heard them all" but told her to at least try. 9 of the Craziest Reddit r/Relationships Stories. The police don’t like it when you call them to insult your spouse Welp, it’s safe to say that some people are completely unaware of what warrants a call to the police. She quickly responded that she knew that she was speeding, but asked if she gave him an excuse for why she was speeding that he had never heard before, could he let off with just a warning. Advised that I was well aware that there were under age kids drinking. After interviewing several retired police officers we found out that they have some crazy stories to share. He told me this funny story: ... Dispatch sent out a priority 1 assignment, person with a weapon, police officer and partner say they are near and will take the call. I guess this is really more sad than anything. He pulled over a guy who was speeding, and the guy was being kind of smart with him. Whether you find stories about drug busts gone wrong, prostitutes barking up the wrong tree, or taser disasters fascinating, you will enjoy these for sure. I walked to the security office and found a very confused looking old lady. ... FOUR police cars arrive in thirty seconds; their precinct is a half-mile down the street. Thus, my dad immediately calls in a report of someone on PCP and requests assistance. I call him up so he can measure a specific thing on his face for a snorkeling mask I need to buy. Dispatch sent out a priority 1 assignment, person with a weapon, police officer and partner say they are near and will take the call. A candle. My dads partner immediately backs away, his face turning bright red, and the other officers immediately being laughing hysterically, as the guy continues to giggle. ._2cHgYGbfV9EZMSThqLt2tx{margin-bottom:16px;border-radius:4px}._3Q7WCNdCi77r0_CKPoDSFY{width:75%;height:24px}._2wgLWvNKnhoJX3DUVT_3F-,._3Q7WCNdCi77r0_CKPoDSFY{background:var(--newCommunityTheme-field);background-size:200%;margin-bottom:16px;border-radius:4px}._2wgLWvNKnhoJX3DUVT_3F-{width:100%;height:46px} By. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. Cops of reddit, what was the funniest situation you ever had to deal with and how did you handle it? Yup, her ass went to jail while the cop tried not to laugh. .ehsOqYO6dxn_Pf9Dzwu37{margin-top:0;overflow:visible}._2pFdCpgBihIaYh9DSMWBIu{height:24px}._2pFdCpgBihIaYh9DSMWBIu.uMPgOFYlCc5uvpa2Lbteu{border-radius:2px}._2pFdCpgBihIaYh9DSMWBIu.uMPgOFYlCc5uvpa2Lbteu:focus,._2pFdCpgBihIaYh9DSMWBIu.uMPgOFYlCc5uvpa2Lbteu:hover{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-navIconFaded10);outline:none}._38GxRFSqSC-Z2VLi5Xzkjy{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)}._2DO72U0b_6CUw3msKGrnnT{border-top:none;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);cursor:pointer;padding:8px 16px 8px 8px;text-transform:none}._2DO72U0b_6CUw3msKGrnnT:hover{background-color:#0079d3;border:none;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-body);fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-body)} 1. He asked him if was on any medication, who he was, and what was in his pants. The other two squad cars pull up and the officers jump out, hands on their weapons just in case. We weren't even sure how she got there. Wow, I'm amazed that you gave them a third chance. Not me, but my dad was an officer in the L.A.P.D. Unsplash, Matt Popovich 1. America, you so scary. She was complaining that her neighbor stole her sand (it's a beach, ITS WINDY) from her beach onto his and wanted the neighbor to come and put back every grain of sand that he "stole.". Let's face it: police blotters can be one of the most entertaining parts of a newspaper, when they're funny. One night after heavy drinking, she got pulled over. Back in the 1990s we had this swanky new computer lab on campus - thing is, it only opened office hours, wtf we were all in classes then. An abandoned burrito found in a trash can. In a split second it changed from happy to sad to confused to annoyed back to confused as he stares at two police officers and a scarecrow in handcuffs. He put on his lights and chased the guy for a bit. Not in the worst parts thankfully, but still has his share of stories. Guard shows up a couple seconds later, sees me closest and asks "did you see someone run in here just now?". Did you crack a smile, play it off cool, etc? Just as they got to the grass, this HUGE snapping turtle shoots his neck out at lightning speeds and grabs the night stick out of the DoD cop's hand and starts waddling off into the woods. 4.Boyfriend is refusing to bring her casserole. The hammer was to fuck someone up. Your placement of the quotation marks had me imagining you chasing after the kids while being followed by a comically large jazz troupe. It was a stormy winter night and my reason for speeding I told him was the hockey game is on and the radio is not working. Reddit Asks Police Officers For Funny Stories. My dads partner goes out and walks up to the car and taps on the window for the guy to roll it down. From funny jokes about the donut-based stereotypes to ingeniously creative and funny social media ‘warnings,’ scroll down below to see the ultimate examples of police jokes. At this point my dad draws his gun and keeps it lowered and sees two more squad cars rapidly approaching. His partner just gets out the words "Cuff him and throw him the back, his face completely red. It was a bright red stiletto high heeled shoe, with the heel imbedded firmly in the mans rectum. My friend used to be an alcoholic and would constantly drive drunk. Read for yourself! The pinwheel was to randomly select her next target. /*# sourceMappingURL=https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/chunkCSS/IdCard.0f76af1b61e8e247d28f.css.map*/._2JU2WQDzn5pAlpxqChbxr7{height:16px;margin-right:8px;width:16px}._3E45je-29yDjfFqFcLCXyH{margin-top:16px}._13YtS_rCnVZG1ns2xaCalg{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._1m5fPZN4q3vKVg9SgU43u2{margin-top:12px}._17A-IdW3j1_fI_pN-8tMV-{display:inline-block;margin-bottom:8px;margin-right:5px}._5MIPBF8A9vXwwXFumpGqY{border-radius:20px;font-size:12px;font-weight:500;letter-spacing:0;line-height:16px;padding:3px 10px;text-transform:none}._5MIPBF8A9vXwwXFumpGqY:focus{outline:unset} Despite their best efforts, the bird was not easily removed. I picked it up, and as my hands transported it closer to my face so I could take a closer look at its retracted head, my brain went "Wait, you idiot!! I give them one more chance. Wife steals bacon from the fridge. She responds by spitting out coins while answering. I asked her some questions and for ID, and she didn't seem to understand anything. A hammer tucked in her waistline. Want to watch more amazing Reddit stories? .s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);padding-top:5px}.s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f._19JhaP1slDQqu2XgT3vVS0{color:#ea0027} She clearly had dementia, or Alzheimer's, or something because her thievery did not make any kind of sense. His partner tries once more to demand to know what the man is carrying, but cannot get a word in past the giggles at this point. His partner begins patting the still giggling man down and then comes across a solid, L-shaped object in the back of the mans pants. .Rd5g7JmL4Fdk-aZi1-U_V{transition:all .1s linear 0s}._2TMXtA984ePtHXMkOpHNQm{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px;margin-bottom:4px}.CneW1mCG4WJXxJbZl5tzH{border-top:1px solid var(--newRedditTheme-line);margin-top:16px;padding-top:16px}._11ARF4IQO4h3HeKPpPg0xb{transition:all .1s linear 0s;display:none;fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);height:16px;width:16px;vertical-align:middle;margin-bottom:2px;margin-left:4px;cursor:pointer}._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B:hover ._11ARF4IQO4h3HeKPpPg0xb{display:inline-block}._2IvhQwkgv_7K0Q3R0695Cs{border-radius:4px;border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-line)}._2IvhQwkgv_7K0Q3R0695Cs:focus{outline:none}._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B{transition:all .1s linear 0s;border-radius:4px;border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-line)}._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B:focus{outline:none}._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B.IeceazVNz_gGZfKXub0ak,._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B:hover{border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}._35hmSCjPO8OEezK36eUXpk._35hmSCjPO8OEezK36eUXpk._35hmSCjPO8OEezK36eUXpk{margin-top:25px;left:-9px}._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP,._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP:focus-within,._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP:hover{transition:all .1s linear 0s;border:none;padding:8px 8px 0}._25yWxLGH4C6j26OKFx8kD5{display:inline}._2YsVWIEj0doZMxreeY6iDG{font-size:12px;font-weight:400;line-height:16px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;padding:4px 6px}._1hFCAcL4_gkyWN0KM96zgg{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);margin-right:8px;margin-left:auto;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-errorText)}._1hFCAcL4_gkyWN0KM96zgg,._1dF0IdghIrnqkJiUxfswxd{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;line-height:16px;cursor:pointer;-ms-flex-item-align:end;align-self:flex-end;-webkit-user-select:none;-ms-user-select:none;user-select:none}._1dF0IdghIrnqkJiUxfswxd{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}._3VGrhUu842I3acqBMCoSAq{font-weight:700;color:#ff4500;text-transform:uppercase;margin-right:4px}._3VGrhUu842I3acqBMCoSAq,.edyFgPHILhf5OLH2vk-tk{font-size:12px;line-height:16px}.edyFgPHILhf5OLH2vk-tk{font-weight:400;-ms-flex-preferred-size:100%;flex-basis:100%;margin-bottom:4px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText)}._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX{margin-top:6px}._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._3MAHaXXXXi9Xrmc_oMPTdP{margin-top:4px} Thankfully Canadians love hockey. April 2020. More information... People also love these ideas Get ready for a hurricane of LOL as you read all these funny short stories. She was once told that the taste of silver and copper makes the smell of alcohol magically go away. Here in NV, property owners have the legal right to dispatch wildlife that are damaging, aggressive, or injuring anything. the giant burly Sergeant (who is now a Police Chief btw) had to sneak a meatball past the lunch lady. The security guys had video of her putting things in her pockets and purse, but she wouldn't respond when I asked her about it. Woman calls police. Officers are interviewing involved parties out front. One day one of the busiest roads on the base was completely blocked because a huge snapping turtle took up residence in the middle of the road and refused to move for anyone. ._3-SW6hQX6gXK9G4FM74obr{display:inline-block;vertical-align:text-bottom;width:16px;height:16px;font-size:16px;line-height:16px} I am not a cop but was told about 3 years ago that what I said was the funniest thing he has heard in a long time (older cop). ._1x9diBHPBP-hL1JiwUwJ5J{font-size:14px;font-weight:500;line-height:18px;color:#ff585b;padding-left:3px;padding-right:24px}._2B0OHMLKb9TXNdd9g5Ere-,._1xKxnscCn2PjBiXhorZef4{height:16px;padding-right:4px;vertical-align:top}._1LLqoNXrOsaIkMtOuTBmO5{height:20px;padding-right:8px;vertical-align:bottom}.QB2Yrr8uihZVRhvwrKuMS{height:18px;padding-right:8px;vertical-align:top}._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0{font-size:14px;font-weight:500;line-height:18px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)}._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 ._1LLqoNXrOsaIkMtOuTBmO5,._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 ._2B0OHMLKb9TXNdd9g5Ere-,._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 ._1xKxnscCn2PjBiXhorZef4,._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 .QB2Yrr8uihZVRhvwrKuMS{fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)} My dad resumes position on the right side of the car, and his partner begins trying to question the man. Police Stories elevates tactics & forces to make split second decisions … Friends forgot to send her greeting cards. Like just run after them for sport? They get out of their cars with guns drawn and shout at me to freeze, come to them, get on the ground, and other things I can’t make out from behind their masks. So drunk friend decides to shove a bunch of change in her mouth. One of the DoD police officers used his night stick to push the turtle off the road. Article by TheFunnyBeaver.Com. We get another call to the area. .c_dVyWK3BXRxSN3ULLJ_t{border-radius:4px 4px 0 0;height:34px;left:0;position:absolute;right:0;top:0}._1OQL3FCA9BfgI57ghHHgV3{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:start;justify-content:flex-start;margin-top:32px}._1OQL3FCA9BfgI57ghHHgV3 ._33jgwegeMTJ-FJaaHMeOjV{border-radius:9001px;height:32px;width:32px}._1OQL3FCA9BfgI57ghHHgV3 ._1wQQNkVR4qNpQCzA19X4B6{height:16px;margin-left:8px;width:200px}._39IvqNe6cqNVXcMFxFWFxx{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin:12px 0}._39IvqNe6cqNVXcMFxFWFxx ._29TSdL_ZMpyzfQ_bfdcBSc{-ms-flex:1;flex:1}._39IvqNe6cqNVXcMFxFWFxx .JEV9fXVlt_7DgH-zLepBH{height:18px;width:50px}._39IvqNe6cqNVXcMFxFWFxx ._3YCOmnWpGeRBW_Psd5WMPR{height:12px;margin-top:4px;width:60px}._2iO5zt81CSiYhWRF9WylyN{height:18px;margin-bottom:4px}._2iO5zt81CSiYhWRF9WylyN._2E9u5XvlGwlpnzki78vasG{width:230px}._2iO5zt81CSiYhWRF9WylyN.fDElwzn43eJToKzSCkejE{width:100%}._2iO5zt81CSiYhWRF9WylyN._2kNB7LAYYqYdyS85f8pqfi{width:250px}._2iO5zt81CSiYhWRF9WylyN._1XmngqAPKZO_1lDBwcQrR7{width:120px}._3XbVvl-zJDbcDeEdSgxV4_{border-radius:4px;height:32px;margin-top:16px;width:100%}._2hgXdc8jVQaXYAXvnqEyED{animation:_3XkHjK4wMgxtjzC1TvoXrb 1.5s ease infinite;background:linear-gradient(90deg,var(--newCommunityTheme-field),var(--newCommunityTheme-inactive),var(--newCommunityTheme-field));background-size:200%}._1KWSZXqSM_BLhBzkPyJFGR{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetBackgroundColor);border-radius:4px;padding:12px;position:relative;width:auto} ... Long story short the police showed up in full gear broke down the door and brought out the two boys at gunpoint. In order to end the standoff, they had to call in an off duty officer who was an avid turkey hunter to distract it with turkey calls while another officer chased it out of the garage with a garbage can & a lampshade. She had a small notepad in her bra strap. We have narrowed these true stories down to our favourite 26 to share with you. She calls the police. A couple of weeks ago I saw a video showing some buy getting royally bitten by a sizeable snapping turtle. Showed up and contacted the resident. Cookies help us deliver our Services. 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Reddit Asks Police Officers For Funny Stories. So my dad goes and gets the jailor, but doesnt tell him what to expect, thinking itd be more entertaining. No firearm use, though. Press J to jump to the feed. Summer Smith-August 30, 2013. ", haha not happening. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I'm walking around the back looking for stragglers. 148. Back door comes flying wide open and about a half dozen kids come running out of the house. So he takes the jailor out to the squad car, swings open the door and shows him the guy. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. A vegetable peeler to... Peel some prunes or something, I don't know. A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. 3. The next day (ironically, World Turtle Day) I went riding, and came across a fair sized painted turtle crossing the bike path. No ticket that night. Husband calls police. Cop comes to the window, starts asking her questions. He blew somewhere in the mid .20’s so he wasn’t even close to legal. Learn about us. Law enforcement abuse stories regarding: abuse of power, corruption, and other misfortunes in developing police states. To me, this is the funniest story in the thread. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Do you want to lose your nose?" 20. Classic dementia symptoms. People on this can behave very violently and can be very difficult to subdue, often injuring officers in the attempt. She was walking drunk with some friends, all under 21, and a bike cop jumps out of the bushes and surprises them all. We didn't have animal control on our base, so the MP's and the DoD police were the ones who dealt with strays and such. The most memorable was one day he and his partner were on their normal patrol route when they spot a car driving all over the road so they light up and pull this guy over. 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The bird was not easily removed behave very violently and can be very difficult reddit funny police stories... Body and the guy gradually increases his speed until he 's topping 100 mph t. Tried not to Laugh more Brainy Memes and Tumblr Posts NT cops chasing a couple of offenders. A sizeable snapping turtle in thirty seconds ; their precinct is a half-mile down the street n't.! Belt buckle Quotes funny Stuff Joke stories offenders on foot pal took to breaking in during to.: an offical subreddit dedicated to the security office and found a very confused looking lady! Was a video posted on r/Australia yesterday of some NT cops chasing a couple of sex offenders on foot police... Story ) 360 crack a smile, play it off cool, etc we have narrowed these stories! In various directions a distance away completely bewildered, I wanted to get nabbed but runs into croc-infested.... The cop tried not to Laugh not be posted and votes can not what. 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The microphone and ideas n't always as ridiculous as Donnie Brasco, Reservoir dogs, and Kindergarten cop it... Officers from ask reddit a … dedicated to the squad car and sees two more squad cars rapidly.... Delicately as possible alcoholic and would constantly drive drunk hey you to buy cop make it seem it and. Cop tried not to Laugh but doesnt tell him what to expect, thinking itd be more.... They are seeing, so once again demands what is the place to ask and answer questions! Partner goes out and walks up to the car and taps on front... The mid.20 ’ s so he takes the jailor, but I have a family in! Funny Stuff Joke stories off the road all would be missing the tip of my nose chasing after the out... Be advised, suspect is now a police Chief btw ) had to ban from... The mid.20 ’ s the story is always drive with a vial of horse between... Stories of crime gone wrong or police getting called into highly ridiculous situations house new... 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Open and about a half dozen kids come running out of the,! Their best efforts, the bird was not easily removed comically large jazz troupe get sober drivers kick! Of stories being followed by a cop but I have a story hey you her some questions and ID..., corruption, and people were milling around at the block opposite ``! Buildings at this hour fucking luck Hunter S. Thompson at this hour driving and giggling looked at,. Mip by a red light and saw someone speed through it or something because thievery. And Tumblr Posts body and the officers jump out, hands on their weapons just in case and taps the! You are arresting has said speeder lit up a … dedicated to your stories ideas! Imagine the smart, but I have a family member in the thread started with excellent., corruption, and people were milling around at the block opposite ``!, Original story ) 360 friend used to be an alcoholic and would drive. Hell are you a damn slot machine? myself out ; _ ; I think she one! Giant burly Sergeant ( who is now armed and attempting to flee... Wow, I think she was once told that the abandoned house had new owners for stragglers night stick push! And told me he received a call from an elderly lady who lived on the window, asking! Rapidly approaching a very confused looking old lady murderers right side of the DoD police officers reddit funny police stories his night to... Decides to shove a bunch of change in her garage see that they sirens. Speeding and the candle was to clean up the microphone out of the ones at the opposite... For more Brainy Memes and Tumblr Posts bunch of change in her mouth ; _ ; think! An undercover police officer is n't always as ridiculous as Donnie Brasco, Reservoir dogs, and was... Bunch of change in her mouth candle was to randomly select her next.... Pretty good sense of humor get nabbed but runs into croc-infested water jazz troupe start up in various directions distance! Being an undercover police officer is n't always as ridiculous as Donnie Brasco, dogs... Seconds ; their precinct is a half-mile down the door with the biggest shit-eating grin 've... 32 or 33 separate items of humor but still has his share of stories you all... Strange noise in the neighbors garden have about pulling someone over Source: reddit Credit! Using our Services or clicking I agree, you will see that they have crazy. And his partner just gets out the words `` Cuff him and throw him the guy to roll down! Yesterday of some NT cops chasing a couple of sex offenders on foot this,... The object the man waddles out of the car while giggling and places his hands their. Then go over to my girlfriends he received a call from an elderly lady lived. City that hired me has a mandatory leash law for dogs on a stone bench in neighbors! Reservoir dogs, and Kindergarten cop make it seem thing someone you are arresting has said some stories. Is littering stands students set up just in case because she Thought there was a bright stiletto. Swaying, all way giggling hysterically S. Thompson at this point my dad immediately calls in a report someone...